Alcohol puts holes in your soul.
Years ago, in the early 90’s, I was stationed at Barksdale Air Force Base in Shreveport, Louisiana.
I had a friend who worked with me named Kristina (Kris) who was a gentle soul. Demure. Very soft-spoken and kind. Wise beyond her years.
One day we went across the bridge to a little Mexican place for lunch, where Kris said something to me I’ve never forgotten.
We were talking about life, struggle, and some of the things we reach for when we’re hurting.
That’s when she looked me dead in the eyes and said:
“You know, Lee… Alcohol puts holes in your soul.”
I sat in silence with that until the depth of the stillness of her words broke and we went back to our normal conversation.
I had never heard that before.
Still haven’t heard it since.
But in all the years since,
I’ve felt it.
And I’ve seen it.
Not just in others…
in myself.
And I’m not talking about in the “have a drink with dinner” kind of way, but in the kind of drinking that becomes an escape hatch.
That false sense of warmth. The numbing. The illusion of connection when what you’re really doing is drifting further away from yourself.
What Kris said was more than poetic. It was true.
Spiritually.
Energetically.
Emotionally.
Alcohol doesn’t just take a toll on your body. It quietly chips away at your essence. Your light. Your presence.
We lost touch after I left for Korea, so I don’t know if she even remembers saying it, but those words stuck to me like truth always does.
I used to be quite the hedonistic partying hellraiser. I still have an occasional drink, but it just doesn’t appeal to me anymore as it has in the past.
I have learned to be careful what you reach for when you’re in pain. Or pleasure.
Some things don’t just dull the ache, they leave a hole in the place that was trying to heal. And who knows what might sneak its way in.
Thanks for the wise words and the reminder, Kris.
I’m finally listening.